If You Just Realized…A Kim Hyun Joong One Shot
…Love that we can not have is the one that last the longest, hurts the deepest and feels the strongest…
Kim Hyun Joong…The best friend who…
1. Walked me to and from school everyday.
2. Came to the rescue that time I accidentally tripped and twisted my ankle during the school play.
3. Never minded watching chick flicks every Friday night at my house.
4. Always came up with excuses to get me out of trouble even though I clearly deserved a punishment.
Everyone is gathered around me as they watch me place the last of my things in the box sitting on top of the desk. I glance over at their faces and smile sadly, thinking of how much I’m going to miss them.
“Ya, why do you have to go move to France?” Tae Hyun, one of my co-workers asks. “You do know they don’t have good food there like we do here in Korea right?” He turns his body away from me and crosses his arms, “You’ll miss my cooking, I tell you. Miss it!”
I let out a small laugh, “Mianhe.”
Min Ah, my other coworker and close friend, thumps Tae Hyun in the head, “Ish! You’re just jealous she’s getting married before you, old man.”
She turns her attention to me and smiles, “Ya, you’re one lucky girl, ne. He seems like he really loves you.”
“Sarang?”
I glance over to the left and see him standing at the end of the hallway. I smiled and look back down on my now empty desk, getting lost in thought.
Min Ah taps my arm lightly, “Be a good wife, arachi?”
“Ne,” I reply.
After saying my final goodbye to my coworkers, I pick up the box and head for the elevator, passing him as he talks to another employee.
He glances at me and I give him a nod and a slight smile. That smile quickly fades away as the elevator door closes. I close my eyes and lean my head back against the wall, letting out a big sigh.
Ding! The door opens and I step out into the lobby, then outside into the cold.
The rain is pouring hard.
I rummage through my bag hoping to find an umbrella, but found none. “Aish! Stupid rain…”
I slump down on a bench nearby and watch as thousands of raindrops hit the concrete ground repeatedly, suddenly remembering all those times we played in the rain together; how one always manages to get sick right after and the other has an obligation to take care of them. I smiled at the thought.
“Oo,” someone says as they hold out the steaming cup of coffee in front of me.
I turn my head slowly and look up. It’s him.
As I reached for the cup, our fingers touch sending me down memory lane once more. I take it quickly from his hand and look away, “Kamsahamnida.”
He smiles sweetly and takes a seat next to me with his legs crossed…All those years, it still has the same effect.
“Finally leaving, huh?” He asks.
“Ne,” I reply somewhat cheerfully.
“Mianhe yo,” he starts in a serious tone.
I take a sip of coffee, staining the cup with my lipstick, “Weyo?”
“…Of how we-- of how things ended up like…” He trails off.
I remain silent, not knowing how to respond.
He clears his throat and continues, changing the topic, “So how are you and your boyfriend?”
I hold out my hand where the eight carat diamond ring sits, “…fiancée.”
He takes a glance at the engagement ring and quickly looks away, sipping his coffee quietly.
“…he proposed to me yesterday,” I tell him with a forced smile.
“Well I’m glad you found your happiness with--,” he lies.
“Please stop telling me you’re glad I’m happy with someone else,” I rudely cut him off.
There’s a moment of silence.
He leans forward, his elbows now resting on top of his knees, and looks off into the distance.
“Do you love him?” He asks, breaking the silence.
“Do you love her?” I answer him with the same question.
There’s another silence.
“Mianhe,” I say softly.
I take another sip and stare blankly ahead. “Hyun Joong oppa…Kim Hyun Joong,” I begin.
“…Haven’t you ever wondered what should have been, what would have been, what could have been…if it were us instead of you and her?”
He turns his head and looks at me with those glistening eyes of his, remaining silent.
I smile slightly with sadness visible in my eyes. “There were so many times I’ve wanted to let you go, and there were so many times I almost succeeded…but every time, I fail to do so. You know why?”
Without looking at me he responds, “Weyo?”
“Because just one look from you, everything comes crashing back down, and that question keeps on popping in my head, ‘What if?’” I take a pause as tears begin to form on the corners of my eyes. I breath in deeply before continuing, “I don’t have the strength to let you go…to throw everything away…to let go of that chance that one day it will be just like how it was before…how it used to be…and maybe even more.”
A tear slowly falls down my cheek without my knowledge. “Every time I see you, I just want to scream to the world, ‘Hyun Joong oppa…saranghae,’” I say in a soft trembling voice. “I love you so much that it hurts so badly.”
More tears continue to run down my face and I wipe them away quickly realizing how pathetic I must look right now.
He sits up without taking his gaze of the pouring rain. “Do you still love me?” He asks in a reserved manner.
He looks at me and we stare at each other finally hearing those unspoken words and seeing those mutual feelings in each others’ eyes that has been dying to come out all these years.
“Say yes and I’ll forget everything…I’ll leave everything to be with you,” he begins.
I’ve waited for so long just to hear him say those words, but we both know it’s too late. My eyes begin to water again and I turn my gaze away from his, not wanting him to see the hurt in my eyes…
“Geu man hae (Stop it),” I force myself to say. “All this time I wanted time to go by more slowly, to stand still,…but then I realized…I’ve already waited too long…So stop it. Please…let’s just leave it at that.”
We sit there in silence, watching the rain starting to die down just like how our conversation is about to end.
When the rain finally stops, he stands up and forces himself to smile. “We may not have been lovers kissing each other, holding hands, exchanging I love you's...but one thing is for sure...when I find another one like you...I’ll marry her…I’ll always look for you in her,” he says softly.
I smile slightly, touched by his words. He turns to leave and I remain seated on the bench.
“Kumawa yo,” I say loud enough for him to hear.
He stops walking, and listens attentively to what I have to say without turning around.
“Kumawa yo,” I repeat. “For everything…for giving me the chance--for letting me see you as my first love…ani,” I correct myself, “For being my first love…”
He quickly turns around and before I know it, he’s standing in front of me with his arms
around my body, embracing me tightly.
I close my eyes as he reaches up to kiss my forehead lightly and whispers softly in my ear, “Sometimes you love something so much that it hurts to leave it, but you must. Sometimes it hurts too much to hold on to that thing you love. And sometimes you let go of what you love because it hurts, but then just sometimes... you get it back and live happily ever after…If we ever meet again in our next lives…can you promise to tell me you love me?”
I nod slightly and he slowly releases me from his embrace. He looks down on the ground and then at me, “Annyeong.” With that he turns to go.
As he head back inside, I hear his footsteps die down as he walks off and out of my life.
I gather my stuff and continue on my way, stopping after a few steps. I turn to look back for the last time. I gaze at the rotating doors of the building and smile, “Oppa…be happy. Arachi?”
2. Came to the rescue that time I accidentally tripped and twisted my ankle during the school play.
3. Never minded watching chick flicks every Friday night at my house.
4. Always came up with excuses to get me out of trouble even though I clearly deserved a punishment.
The best friend who…I fell in love with all and who in turn loved me just the same, but we were never officially together…
Yeah…he was mine and I was his…or at least that’s how it seemed until the end of high school. After graduating, he didn’t exactly move away, instead we started to drift apart. Though it seemed like we’ve become strangers, we somehow manage to always cross path…getting accepted to the same college, taking the same courses, being in the same classes…and now working in the same music industry…Clear signs that we should be together, but no. He’s currently the boyfriend of the CEO’s daughter, and me…I’ve just gotten engaged to the heir of a multi-million dollar clothing company.
[[[…]]]
People think it's holding on that makes you stronger, but sometimes it's letting go…so how long am I willing to hold on, how soon should I let go…?
Everyone is gathered around me as they watch me place the last of my things in the box sitting on top of the desk. I glance over at their faces and smile sadly, thinking of how much I’m going to miss them.
“Ya, why do you have to go move to France?” Tae Hyun, one of my co-workers asks. “You do know they don’t have good food there like we do here in Korea right?” He turns his body away from me and crosses his arms, “You’ll miss my cooking, I tell you. Miss it!”
I let out a small laugh, “Mianhe.”
Min Ah, my other coworker and close friend, thumps Tae Hyun in the head, “Ish! You’re just jealous she’s getting married before you, old man.”
She turns her attention to me and smiles, “Ya, you’re one lucky girl, ne. He seems like he really loves you.”
“Sarang?”
I glance over to the left and see him standing at the end of the hallway. I smiled and look back down on my now empty desk, getting lost in thought.
Min Ah taps my arm lightly, “Be a good wife, arachi?”
“Ne,” I reply.
After saying my final goodbye to my coworkers, I pick up the box and head for the elevator, passing him as he talks to another employee.
He glances at me and I give him a nod and a slight smile. That smile quickly fades away as the elevator door closes. I close my eyes and lean my head back against the wall, letting out a big sigh.
Ding! The door opens and I step out into the lobby, then outside into the cold.
The rain is pouring hard.
I rummage through my bag hoping to find an umbrella, but found none. “Aish! Stupid rain…”
I slump down on a bench nearby and watch as thousands of raindrops hit the concrete ground repeatedly, suddenly remembering all those times we played in the rain together; how one always manages to get sick right after and the other has an obligation to take care of them. I smiled at the thought.
“Oo,” someone says as they hold out the steaming cup of coffee in front of me.
I turn my head slowly and look up. It’s him.
As I reached for the cup, our fingers touch sending me down memory lane once more. I take it quickly from his hand and look away, “Kamsahamnida.”
He smiles sweetly and takes a seat next to me with his legs crossed…All those years, it still has the same effect.
“Finally leaving, huh?” He asks.
“Ne,” I reply somewhat cheerfully.
“Mianhe yo,” he starts in a serious tone.
I take a sip of coffee, staining the cup with my lipstick, “Weyo?”
“…Of how we-- of how things ended up like…” He trails off.
I remain silent, not knowing how to respond.
He clears his throat and continues, changing the topic, “So how are you and your boyfriend?”
I hold out my hand where the eight carat diamond ring sits, “…fiancée.”
He takes a glance at the engagement ring and quickly looks away, sipping his coffee quietly.
“…he proposed to me yesterday,” I tell him with a forced smile.
“Well I’m glad you found your happiness with--,” he lies.
“Please stop telling me you’re glad I’m happy with someone else,” I rudely cut him off.
There’s a moment of silence.
He leans forward, his elbows now resting on top of his knees, and looks off into the distance.
“Do you love him?” He asks, breaking the silence.
“Do you love her?” I answer him with the same question.
There’s another silence.
“Mianhe,” I say softly.
I take another sip and stare blankly ahead. “Hyun Joong oppa…Kim Hyun Joong,” I begin.
“…Haven’t you ever wondered what should have been, what would have been, what could have been…if it were us instead of you and her?”
He turns his head and looks at me with those glistening eyes of his, remaining silent.
I smile slightly with sadness visible in my eyes. “There were so many times I’ve wanted to let you go, and there were so many times I almost succeeded…but every time, I fail to do so. You know why?”
Without looking at me he responds, “Weyo?”
“Because just one look from you, everything comes crashing back down, and that question keeps on popping in my head, ‘What if?’” I take a pause as tears begin to form on the corners of my eyes. I breath in deeply before continuing, “I don’t have the strength to let you go…to throw everything away…to let go of that chance that one day it will be just like how it was before…how it used to be…and maybe even more.”
A tear slowly falls down my cheek without my knowledge. “Every time I see you, I just want to scream to the world, ‘Hyun Joong oppa…saranghae,’” I say in a soft trembling voice. “I love you so much that it hurts so badly.”
More tears continue to run down my face and I wipe them away quickly realizing how pathetic I must look right now.
He sits up without taking his gaze of the pouring rain. “Do you still love me?” He asks in a reserved manner.
He looks at me and we stare at each other finally hearing those unspoken words and seeing those mutual feelings in each others’ eyes that has been dying to come out all these years.
“Say yes and I’ll forget everything…I’ll leave everything to be with you,” he begins.
I’ve waited for so long just to hear him say those words, but we both know it’s too late. My eyes begin to water again and I turn my gaze away from his, not wanting him to see the hurt in my eyes…
“Geu man hae (Stop it),” I force myself to say. “All this time I wanted time to go by more slowly, to stand still,…but then I realized…I’ve already waited too long…So stop it. Please…let’s just leave it at that.”
We sit there in silence, watching the rain starting to die down just like how our conversation is about to end.
When the rain finally stops, he stands up and forces himself to smile. “We may not have been lovers kissing each other, holding hands, exchanging I love you's...but one thing is for sure...when I find another one like you...I’ll marry her…I’ll always look for you in her,” he says softly.
I smile slightly, touched by his words. He turns to leave and I remain seated on the bench.
“Kumawa yo,” I say loud enough for him to hear.
He stops walking, and listens attentively to what I have to say without turning around.
“Kumawa yo,” I repeat. “For everything…for giving me the chance--for letting me see you as my first love…ani,” I correct myself, “For being my first love…”
He quickly turns around and before I know it, he’s standing in front of me with his arms
around my body, embracing me tightly.
I close my eyes as he reaches up to kiss my forehead lightly and whispers softly in my ear, “Sometimes you love something so much that it hurts to leave it, but you must. Sometimes it hurts too much to hold on to that thing you love. And sometimes you let go of what you love because it hurts, but then just sometimes... you get it back and live happily ever after…If we ever meet again in our next lives…can you promise to tell me you love me?”
I nod slightly and he slowly releases me from his embrace. He looks down on the ground and then at me, “Annyeong.” With that he turns to go.
As he head back inside, I hear his footsteps die down as he walks off and out of my life.
I gather my stuff and continue on my way, stopping after a few steps. I turn to look back for the last time. I gaze at the rotating doors of the building and smile, “Oppa…be happy. Arachi?”
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